Are Men from Mars,Women from Venus?
Each day millions of individuals are searching for a partner to experience that special loving feeling. Each year, millions of couples join together in love and then painfully separate because they have lost that loving feeling. From those who are able to sustain love long enough to get married, only 50% stay married. Out of those who stay together, possibly another 50% are not fulfilled. They stay together out of loyalty and obligation or from the fear of society.
Everything begins with a magical word called "Love" .But as the magic recedes and daily life takes over, it emerges that men continue to expect women to think and react like men, and women expect men to feel and behave like women. Without a clear awareness of our differences, we do not take the time to understand and respect each other. We become demanding, resentful, judgmental, and intolerant.
With the best and most loving intentions love continues to die. Somehow the problems creep in. The resentments build. Communication breaks down. Mistrust increases. Rejection and repression result. The magic of love is lost.
When a woman is upset about something and expresses the same to a ’man’; he, by nature, offers solutions proudly putting on his Mr.Fix-It cap, when all she wants is empathy. Women, on the other hand, offer unsolicited advice in the same situation, which may not be appreciated.People ask themselves How does it happen?Why does it happen?Why does it happen to us?
In the recent months I got a chance to read a part of John Gray's "Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus". The above thoughts are inline with it.Although I do not fully agree to it but found quite a bit resemblance in the real life.I tried to co-relate this with my old friends. In the mean time accidentally i got to talk Mr.X on my maiden anonymous chat. Mr. X is a nice person & a profound software professional. Something energized my psychoactive brain with thoughts of looking for the truth on psychology of a person I knew the least.Being a reader of psychology I knew that men usually look for a girl with either of two kinds of combination of characteristics:
1) Beautiful but dumb, romantic but homely, smart but not mentally ;-)
2) Loving but not possessive, Romantic but outgoing, Practical and highly Understanding.
In 1-2 sessions I got to know that our Mr.X has inclination for 2nd type. The test to be conducted now had two phases, first to get acquainted to Mr.X & then next to look for reactions on difference of opinion. For the 2nd phase I had to work hard by proving myself as dumb & impractical as possible. I remember once when he was asking me to date a few guys to make a proper decision for myself, I asked the dumbest of questions “What is dating?” and imagine the answer. A real geeky one, “Go, & search google”. I can’t control my laughter thinking about it now also. If in any such situation a girl expects such a practical person to romantically explain that what is a date, I think she is an idiot.
Many a times I suggested Mr. X to ignore me & stop talking. At every point in time, I had it in my mind that I have to end this loop. Because of the simple reason that I believe that no one can appreciate really a person for his/her thoughts only without knowing personally. I arrest myself from anonymous chat, so finally brought that to an end by disturbing Mr.X at all odd hours of the day & proving myself as highly impractical & dumb as possible, without hurting & leaving Mr.X with a happy illusion that he himself has stopped talking to me since I m not his type of person.
In all this I have firmly started believing that handling our relations is purely in our hands, we can make a person our friend or enemy just by understanding or misunderstanding.
Very few people, indeed, are able to grow in love. Yet, it does happen. When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom.
Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences.
For ex, if an unknown girl proposes our Mr. X ,then he will think-“Why does she likes me?”, “Is there something called real love?”, “Has this girl no ethical values?”, “Doesn’t this girl has something sensible to do?” .Same applies to a girl if any unknown guy proposes her. Result is a tragic end without a beginning, without thinking what other person can really do for them in life.
The reason is that we have a mentality that we ignore things which come easily to us. We dislike food which we daily get, we rarely read books which are on our shelves & always ignore persons who care & pray for us even when we don’t.
In short, we always search for people we like & not those who like us. If we understand the feelings of people around us who love us unconditionally without expectations (more on it later), who cry for us, who smile for us, who keep waiting for us when we leave them alone, who pray for our well-being to the god silently, who look at us even when we don’t, who believe some day we would understand their feelings & return to them, then I don’t think there is need of any such book.
Suggested reading: “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any person is highly co-incidental. If God forbid Mr. X some how read this my apologies in advance as I have learnt a lot about life from you.
Everything begins with a magical word called "Love" .But as the magic recedes and daily life takes over, it emerges that men continue to expect women to think and react like men, and women expect men to feel and behave like women. Without a clear awareness of our differences, we do not take the time to understand and respect each other. We become demanding, resentful, judgmental, and intolerant.
With the best and most loving intentions love continues to die. Somehow the problems creep in. The resentments build. Communication breaks down. Mistrust increases. Rejection and repression result. The magic of love is lost.
When a woman is upset about something and expresses the same to a ’man’; he, by nature, offers solutions proudly putting on his Mr.Fix-It cap, when all she wants is empathy. Women, on the other hand, offer unsolicited advice in the same situation, which may not be appreciated.People ask themselves How does it happen?Why does it happen?Why does it happen to us?
In the recent months I got a chance to read a part of John Gray's "Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus". The above thoughts are inline with it.Although I do not fully agree to it but found quite a bit resemblance in the real life.I tried to co-relate this with my old friends. In the mean time accidentally i got to talk Mr.X on my maiden anonymous chat. Mr. X is a nice person & a profound software professional. Something energized my psychoactive brain with thoughts of looking for the truth on psychology of a person I knew the least.Being a reader of psychology I knew that men usually look for a girl with either of two kinds of combination of characteristics:
1) Beautiful but dumb, romantic but homely, smart but not mentally ;-)
2) Loving but not possessive, Romantic but outgoing, Practical and highly Understanding.
In 1-2 sessions I got to know that our Mr.X has inclination for 2nd type. The test to be conducted now had two phases, first to get acquainted to Mr.X & then next to look for reactions on difference of opinion. For the 2nd phase I had to work hard by proving myself as dumb & impractical as possible. I remember once when he was asking me to date a few guys to make a proper decision for myself, I asked the dumbest of questions “What is dating?” and imagine the answer. A real geeky one, “Go, & search google”. I can’t control my laughter thinking about it now also. If in any such situation a girl expects such a practical person to romantically explain that what is a date, I think she is an idiot.
Many a times I suggested Mr. X to ignore me & stop talking. At every point in time, I had it in my mind that I have to end this loop. Because of the simple reason that I believe that no one can appreciate really a person for his/her thoughts only without knowing personally. I arrest myself from anonymous chat, so finally brought that to an end by disturbing Mr.X at all odd hours of the day & proving myself as highly impractical & dumb as possible, without hurting & leaving Mr.X with a happy illusion that he himself has stopped talking to me since I m not his type of person.
In all this I have firmly started believing that handling our relations is purely in our hands, we can make a person our friend or enemy just by understanding or misunderstanding.
Very few people, indeed, are able to grow in love. Yet, it does happen. When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom.
Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences.
For ex, if an unknown girl proposes our Mr. X ,then he will think-“Why does she likes me?”, “Is there something called real love?”, “Has this girl no ethical values?”, “Doesn’t this girl has something sensible to do?” .Same applies to a girl if any unknown guy proposes her. Result is a tragic end without a beginning, without thinking what other person can really do for them in life.
The reason is that we have a mentality that we ignore things which come easily to us. We dislike food which we daily get, we rarely read books which are on our shelves & always ignore persons who care & pray for us even when we don’t.
In short, we always search for people we like & not those who like us. If we understand the feelings of people around us who love us unconditionally without expectations (more on it later), who cry for us, who smile for us, who keep waiting for us when we leave them alone, who pray for our well-being to the god silently, who look at us even when we don’t, who believe some day we would understand their feelings & return to them, then I don’t think there is need of any such book.
Suggested reading: “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any person is highly co-incidental. If God forbid Mr. X some how read this my apologies in advance as I have learnt a lot about life from you.
Excogitated by a_beautifulmind @ 3:49 PM
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